Here I Am, Lord

I've been reflecting on the times I've prayed the prayer, "Here I am, Lord, send me" and how God has answered (is answering) that prayer.  I know he puts the desire in my heart to pursue him - more of him - and that prayer comes out of a God-placed desire.  I think there's always that fear of "what if God sends me to the place I would hate to go?" lurking around in the background of that sincere prayer; and looking back over my life and journey, I can surely see how I have been "sent" down a path I couldn't have expected.  


I've been spending some time re-reading some of my older journal entries.  Thank heaven for journals!  I don't know about other folks, but I pour it all out on those pages - the confusion, hurt, anger, joy, peace.....  So to look back and see God's hand in all of that - this process of sanctification and transformation - and how very present he's been even (especially??) when I haven't been all that cooperative in the process....it simply amazes me.  It's been almost a year since I first felt the nudge from the Lord to write a Bible study on John's Gospel.  Now there's an answer to my "send me" prayer that was out of left field!  But what a blessing and what a humbling experience that was and what a season of closeness to the Lord!  


The lesson (at least one of them) that I've been learning through so much of this has been in trusting God - no matter what.  Wish I had that down pat, then maybe I wouldn't have to keep getting practice in it!  It's clear, though, that if my heart is pursuing God and the path he's chosen for me, I need to trust in where he takes me and how he chooses to get me there.  We spent some great time in 2 Peter during Sunday's sermon which meant that most  of the passage is now underlined and has comments written all over the margins of my Bible.  It was speaking volumes to me!  This passage, in particular, (2 Peter 1:10) speaks to my ramblings today:  "Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall."  In answering my prayer to follow him, God has been giving me lots of opportunities to practice trusting him.  He doesn't have to prove himself - he's always trustworthy and so very faithful; but in working to give up my need to control and order things the way I see fit (what a joke!), I'm able to move out in more faith and greater trust in the one whose plans and ways are perfect.  I know it will be well worth the effort and beyond what could ever be imagined! 

"But, as it is written,        
'What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him'”
 (1 Corinthians 2:9)