Trust

During my quiet time this morning, praying for all the needs that have come to my attention, it seems as if I see a common thread running through all these needs and situations. I've seen this thread running through my own life this year. Do I trust God? Do I REALLY trust God? When my life is shaking, when my friends' lives are in a state of upheaval or great stress, when major transitions are occurring in lives all around me - do I trust God? Do I trust him in the midst of the upheaval? Am I too quick to blame the enemy for these stressors and not quick enough to look for God's hand in the transitions?

This past year has brought me to the very brink of my limits of faith and trust. I thought I had a great deal of faith but when I was faced with life and death issues, of times of releasing control and taking my hands off those situations that I felt I had to hang on to, I came to realize that God was asking me to trust him more than I've ever trusted before.

I recall the Good Friday service at my church. We were invited to write on a note card the person, situation, issue, etc. that we felt the Lord was inviting us to let go of. We could leave it at the wooden cross that was propped against the wall. How difficult it was for me. I knew exactly the person's name I was to write on that card and it was terrifying. Could I trust God with this person? Did I believe that God really wanted the very best for this loved one? Surely my hopes and wishes for this person were the best. After finally leaving my card at the cross, I still wanted to go back and pick it up. It was one of the hardest things I've done. Why? Don't I believe that God is GOOD? Does my heart know the depth of God's goodness? Evidently, the Lord was moving me into a deeper level of trust - pushing me and confronting me with the weak areas of my faith and inviting me to go deeper and trust him with every fiber of my being.

Reflecting on the year 2013, that seems to be the theme in so many lives and situations. Trusting God to work out his purposes, trusting God in the shaking and transitioning of lives and situations. Trusting God. "Who do you say that I am?" Jesus asked Peter that question and he asks me - over and over. Who IS Jesus? Do I believe that he is everything he says he is? Can I praise him and trust him in ALL things knowing that he is sovereign over even the most difficult and painful places in my life? Do I really believe that God is good? Really?

After what feels like surviving this year, I can honestly say that, yes, I KNOW that God is good. I have witnessed miracles of healing, of salvation, of restoration, of perseverance, forgiveness, deliverance, reconciliation. I could go on. Yes, indeed, God is good. He is loving and faithful and very present - always present. I have seen and experienced the truth that I am securely in the hands of my loving Father God and no thing or no one can snatch me from his hands. In times of stress or worry, I used to picture myself hanging on to the Lord as best I could. This year has taught me that I pictured it backwards: the Lord is hanging on to me, keeping me from falling, from going over the edge. He has been my strength, he has been my Rock.

As this year closes and a new year approaches, I wonder what changes are coming; how will my life be different, my ministry? Will this new level of trust be put to the test? Obviously, we have no way of knowing what the future holds but I do know that God is faithful. He is my very present help in times of trouble.

Psalm 145 

I will extol you, my God and King,

and bless your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless you

and praise your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

and his greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall commend your works to another,

and shall declare your mighty acts.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty,

and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,

and I will declare your greatness.

They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness

and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and merciful,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

The Lord is good to all,

and his mercy is over all that he has made.

All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord,

and all your saints shall bless you!

They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom

and tell of your power,

to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds,

and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,

and your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The Lord is faithful in all his words

and kind in all his works.]

The Lord upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,

and you give them their food in due season.

You open your hand;

you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways

and kind in all his works.

The Lord is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;

he also hears their cry and saves them.

The Lord preserves all who love him,

but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,

and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

Waiting and Trusting

For God alone my soul waits in silence;

from him comes my salvation.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall never be shaken. (Pslam 62:1-2)

This year has been the best of times and the worst of times!  From struggling through the months of my husband’s long hospital stay and recovery, to rejoicing over the miraculous answer of many years of prayer for the salvation of a loved one, it’s been a most memorable year. 

It has been the most stressful year I can remember, the effects of which are still going on.  I wake up with headaches from clenching my jaws while I sleep, I have strange, stressful dreams most nights, I feel disconnected from God in a way that I can’t seem to resolve; yet, on the other hand, I see God at work in my prayer ministry in wonderful and powerful ways.  I know he hasn’t abandoned me but is, in fact, closer than ever. I feel like I’m living in a world of extremes, of good vs. bad, of nearness vs. distance, of stress vs. peace, which all add to my stress level.   

But in the midst of all this, in the deepest part of me, I can echo the words of the psalmist:  For God alone my soul waits in silence.  I feel a strong and profound sense of waiting; waiting for God to finish this work he’s doing in me, to open my eyes to see what I can’t see yet.  I have a sense of my life moving in a direction that is yet to be revealed, as if I’m living in a time of transition, a life-changing period.  Do I need to tell you that this is stressful, too?  I try to bring myself back to what I know to be true and what I cling to through all of this:  he alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress.  I shall never be shaken. 

The psalm says I shall never be shaken.  I get that, I know this is truth; yet this year has been a year of great shaking, a great deal of transition, change, new direction and uncertainty.  I trust God in the midst of all this because I know he is the one doing the shaking and that he is working in all these things for my good and the good of so many others.  It’s just hard to walk through all of this when my life feels so unsettled and “not like it used to be”.   I think that’s the answer:  God has, once again, moved me out of my comfort zone.  Or, IS moving me and I resist it every time. 

Looking back on my struggles during the long days of my husband’s hospitalization, I was praying about my feelings.  I was so angry.  I didn’t understand where that anger was coming from, thinking I could handle life’s hardships a bit better than that. It felt like I was being besieged, attacked from every direction, and I was losing the battle. The Lord led me to understand that my anger was directed at him, that I was rebelling against his corrections in my life.  That’s a rather sobering realization but I’m trying to pay attention to what the Lord is revealing, those things that he wants me to lay aside that aren’t worth my time and attention or that get ahead of my relationship and time in his presence. 

It’s that shaking up, or pruning, that is part of our transformation.  It’s hard, it’s sometimes painful and like children being corrected by their loving parents, we resist it.  As disciples of Jesus it’s not about our childish cries of "What about me?!" as much as it's about counting the cost, taking up our cross daily and following our Lord wherever he leads and down whichever path he chooses.  Even though that path may be difficult, the truth and the reality is that we are not walking that path on our own or in our own power.  We have his promise that he will never leave us or forsake us. We have his comfort and reassurance that we don’t need to be afraid; he is the I AM, our Salvation, our Rock, our Fortress.  Nothing or no one has the power to snatch us from the hand of our all-powerful, all-loving, Almighty Father.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

  pour out your heart before him;

  God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:8)

Passings

I read today that an old friend is in the last stages of his life; the family is keeping vigil and friends are praying him into God’s arms.  It makes me think of all the people that pass through my life.  This friend was kind to me, made me laugh, gave good hugs and wonderful shoulder rubs when my muscles were screaming after hours and hours of playing my guitar and leading worship music.  

It’s interesting to think of the different communities and circles of friends – those that stay with you for a shorter time and those that stay with you longer.  Life is so transient, so full of change and redirection.  All that change leads to changes in circles of friends.  I’m not really sure why that is; I’ve never been good at letting friends go, at saying goodbye.  I’m like Peter on the mount of transfiguration; I want to make this permanent, hold on to it!  But Larry touched my life for a period of time and I’m sad that he’s leaving the earth but happy for him that he’s going home to Jesus.  I pray for the Lord to welcome him home; that Larry will hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” and that he’ll know the glory of total and perfect healing.  

Should I have stayed in touch better?  We weren’t that kind of friends – just stayed in touch through Facebook. So many levels of friendship, of sharing; and yet we still have these circles where we touch each other’s life and heart and make a difference.  The shared memories, the conversations, the laughter, etc. all are a gift for however long we have them.

So, God bless Larry.  Comfort his family and friends that are keeping watch as he passes into your arms.  Let him know I’m thinking about him if that makes a smile in his heart and thank him for me – for his friendship and kindness in those wonderful seasons with Cursillo.  He blessed me and I pray I was a blessing to him.  Give him a big hug from me; and Lord, would you rub his shoulders and tell him I said “thanks”?

The Unchanging One

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  (Hebrews 13:8)

How thankful I am for the truth and reality of that verse.  Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I can't recall another time in my life when I've experienced as much change in one year's time.  It's astounding!  Friends have come and gone, major illness has struck
my family, major life changes are happening all around me - some very, very good and some not so good.  I sometimes feel I can hardly catch my breath from one event when something else rolls through and leaves me spinning.  How could I possibly continue with any degree of sanity and faith without knowing that our Lord is the ever-present, ever-faithful, ever-constant, loving, strong presence in this life?

In two conversations yesterday, I was reminded that it's the presence of God that we must seek first and foremost.  All the striving to do the "right" thing, the good thing, pales in comparison to being in the presence of the Lord.  I know how much I need that solid, unchanging presence of God. The awareness of his nearness, his direction, his strength and comfort is what enables me to keep on putting one foot in front of the other in the midst of all these unsettled days.  

Most mornings I wake up with a song playing in my mind. I have no idea where that comes from, but it's a rare morning that it doesn't happen.  A couple of weeks ago, during an especially difficult and spiritually dry time, the tune playing in my head was "As the Deer".  Two of my devotional readings for that day included the psalm that tune is based on, Psalm 42.  The first two verses reflected the state of my soul so well:  

As a deer pants for flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, 

for the living God.

I think the Lord was gently pointing out the obvious to me.  It took the three different encounters with these words for me to recognize my own need - to put words to my unsettled feelings.  How sweet God is to nudge us, to call us into his sweet presence, to invite us to come and be still and sit with him a while, spend time in the presence of the One who is always the same, always IS.

God is calling us to choose.  Do we choose to follow him, to draw close to him, listen for his direction, his guidance, his loving words?  Or do we choose to follow the world's ways, to struggle through under our own power, striving to do what is expected and perhaps feeling like we don't quite measure up?  How long do we have to struggle along, feeling spent and exhausted before we answer the call to Be still and know that I am God?

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Thanks be to our God!

Going to the Rock

Does this ever happen to you?  Waking up in the middle of the night, you find your mind whirring with thoughts and worries that won't go away and you lie there unable to go back to sleep for all the fretting going on in your head.  I call it the midnight crazies and I hate when it happens.  Last night was one of those nights - where do these thoughts come from?  The same things can be reasonably handled in the light of day but in the wee hours of the morning, they're catastrophic.  It took me a long time, many nights of the midnight crazies to finally work out a solution:  prayer.  duh.  There's a wonderful prayer from the service of Compline in the Book of Common Prayer and after many consecutive nights of sleeplessness, this prayer came to mind and I prayed it over and over until I realized when I woke up the next morning that, as usual, prayer works.  Here's the prayer (I change the pronouns to make it personal):  Guide us waking, O Lord, and guard us sleeping that awake we may watch with Christ and asleep we may rest in peace.  

Reading my Bible readings appointed for this morning, my favorite psalm was in the list:  Psalm 91.  I didn't get very far in the psalm before these words jumped out at me:  'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.'  As familiar as this psalm is to me, I had to stop and linger over those words.  God IS my refuge and my fortress.  He is the one I run to during the midnight crazies, during the stresses of the day, the worries over friends and loved ones.  I truly have no one else to turn to with the same degree of trust and assurance.  1 Peter 5:7 exhorts us to cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.  He cares about us and he cares for us - seeing to our needs, our concerns, our joys, our every need.  He is our rock - that strong and solid place of security and rest; he is our fortress - that place of protection from the things that can harm us; he is our Shepherd - he knows each one of his sheep by name and tends lovingly and gently to each one of us.  

The Gospel of John recounts the story of the followers of Jesus turning away because of his teaching that became so hard to understand.  Jesus asks his twelve disciples if they, too, are leaving him and Peter replies:  Lord to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God."  It truly is through walking out this life, day by day, worry by worry, prayer by prayer, that we come to know that we, like Peter and the disciples, have no one else to turn to; we come to KNOW in the deepest part of us that Jesus is, indeed, exactly who he says he is.  When we come to that realization we know Jesus is our Refuge, our Fortress, our very present help in times of trouble (Ps. 42).  He is the Rock of our salvation.

I pray that no matter how difficult things may be in your life right now, or how easy they are, that you will come to know without a shadow of a doubt who Jesus is - how very real he is; that you will come to see him and know him as your Refuge, Rock, and Fortress.

Caring and Surviving

I'm learning a lot about what it means to be a caregiver.  I'm learning, hopefully, how to reach out to people in similar circumstances.  The strangest thing about it for me is that I don't know what to ask for when people ask how they can help.  Part of that may be because the little child in me wants somebody to make this all go away while the adult in me knows I have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.  I'm learning things about myself that aren't so pretty but I'm finding traits emerging that I didn't know I had.  All these things point to God's hand at work in my life in the midst of this horrible trial. I long for the day when I can enjoy the blessing of hindsight, the gift of looking back and seeing what God has done - how this looks on the other side.  

I feel so guilty when I find myself sighing from fatigue as I walk into that hospital again and make the hike up to my husband's room.  At least I'm going home to my own bed while he has to stay in the hospital and deal with the struggles of recovery, depression, discouragement.  I deal with those same things, too, but have the advantage of seeing the many signs of a miraculous recovery.  While I inwardly sigh about making this walk on day 31 of this journey, I can rejoice that God has and is indeed healing my husband in miraculous ways.  I hear his nurses using this "M-word" and know that God is being glorified, that the power of prayer is witnessing to the power of God's presence in our lives in a personal, intimate way.  Healing is real.  God is real.  Doctors, with all their knowledge, training and expertise owe their skill to the Giver of this knowledge.  I was so blessed and will never forget hearing my husband's doctor ask for prayers on our long night of waiting 31 days ago.  God is being glorified.

There's a passage in Scripture that always makes me shudder a little bit when I read it.  For me, it's one of those "good-for-you" things that you'd rather not have to deal with or be reminded of:  (from Romans 5:3-5) Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  The transforming power of God is perfect, good and loving but it is most definitely not always easy.  Yes, there are times when it seems he miraculously transforms us; but it seems to me that most of my transformation has been the kind that I think of when I read the verse above; the transforming that is accomplished by the Lord's loving and necessary pruning of my unfruitful "branches".  I do know, however, that on the other side of this journey I will be able to look back and give thanks for the fruit that was produced by all this pruning.  

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

Storms and Peace

I've been away from my blog for quite a while.  I've missed the time writing and the little nudges from the Scriptures when I read my Bible in the morning -- those verses that jump off the page and send me off on my rabbit trails that end up on my blog.  Instead, my life has been in a major upheaval.  No matter the outcome, my life has changed completely.  And, I suspect, my faith is on the same roller-coaster of change.  

My husband has been in ICU for 3 weeks following a scheduled surgery that ended up with major complications which almost resulted in death.  Throughout the night of the surgery (long, long 18-hour vigil) I was texting urgent prayer requests which were being passed along to our prayer team and our intercessors.  The surgeon requested prayer, the family and friends sitting in the waiting room were praying, the chaplain came and prayed with us; the whole long night was being bathed in prayer.  And he pulled through.  

I've asked questions, the what-ifs, wondered what I would do if the worst happened.  I've been surrounded and cared for by my dear friends and family.  I've had daily times of completely falling apart.  I've ranted and raved at God.  Typical grief responses.  I've walked into the ICU room on one day and been so encouraged by what I'd see only to go back another time and think something else.  Exhausted, numb, frustrated, comforted, loved, deeply aware of God's peace, angry at God . . . the roller coaster ride so many of us have been on when there's a crisis in our life.  

I wish I could say that my response to all this has been to fall into God's arms, to reach for my Bible and sit in my special chair to hear from the Lord and be in his presence.  But I've been so much on some auto-pilot way of functioning that it seems all I can do is go to the hospital and try to function around the house and take care of 3 dogs.  And have a meltdown now and then.  But my sweet Lord has been so very near and present even when I felt nothing of his presence.  I've seen him in the faces of the people that have showed up, called, texted, prayed; in the face of my sister who has listened to me go on and on about how hard this is and has shown up to bring me a meal, take care of the dogs and let me rest; in the face of my son who has flown home to help out; and I've felt his peace break through my tears and rants and calm me in the midst of this storm.

So many times, I've exhorted others on the importance of Christian community:  "There's no such thing as a Lone Ranger Christian."  My relationship with the Lord is so incredibly, deeply personal and intimate; and it's so incredibly about my community and how the love of Jesus shines forth through these dear people God has placed in my life.  My son, who is a "baby" Christian of a little more than 3 months has encouraged my 30+ years of walking with the Lord with his reminders of God's sovereignty.  My friends and family have rallied round in ways that I'll never forget.

The storm is still going on but the waves are calmer, my meltdowns have stopped (for now); I'm still moving one day at the time but am feeling myself emerge out of a dense fog more aware of God's hand at work in the life of my husband and in my life.  "The Power of Prayer" is the banner that should be hanging over that bed in ICU; in the heavenly realms, I suspect that it is.  The nurses are calling Jerry, "Mr. Miracle".  And, speaking of those nurses, I hope there is a special mansion in heaven prepared for those dear women who have hugged me, celebrated with us, prayed for Jerry and encouraged all of us.

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

(John 16:33)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

The Power of God

... so that your faith may not rest in the wisdom of man but in the power of God. 
1 Corinthians 2:5

Today I read the story about Peter and John healing the lame man (Acts 3:1-10).  He was asking for help - financial help.  Peter directed his gaze intently at him (Acts 3:4 AMP).  What was he seeing?  What was he thinking?  Was he listening prayerfully to his Lord?  Peter directed his gaze intently at him.  Apparently, the man was not looking at them.  Were his eyes downcast in shame?  

He was a beggar, dependent on others for everything; including his way of getting to the gate where he could beg for alms; his whole life must have felt driven by begging.  As he sat by the gate, all he'd see were the legs of those passing by.  It would have been physically uncomfortable, even painful, to continually look up all day long into faces going by; it was much easier to keep his head and eyes down. What a pitiful, shame-filled life he must have lived with.  No wonder he didn't meet their eyes!  I can't even begin to imagine how he must have felt, how isolated, lonely, even invisible.  It would seem everyone was so used to his presence and cries for alms, that they just paid no attention to this daily ritual.  This man, physically lame and emotionally crippled, must have had no sense of belonging, of being loved and cared for, of even being heard or seen - until Peter and John came by.

The wisdom of man, the power of God:  the wisdom of man is familiar, feels safe, more immediate and present; the power of God is mysterious, beyond ourselves, on its own timetable, beyond our control.  The wisdom of man would say that the life of the lame beggar was the best he could hope for.  The power of God said, "rise up and walk!"  The power of God looked and saw this invisible man, restored him, restored his identity, his person-hood.

Peter said to the man, "Look at us."  Eye contact with another for perhaps the first time in who knows how long?  Peter took him by the hand - the power of touch, human contact, fellowship.  Immediately the use of his legs is restored; no, not restored, created!  The man had been lame from birth.  Suddenly, he was able to walk, to leap; and, perhaps for the first time, he was able to enter the temple with friends walking and leaping and praising God (Acts 3:8).  What a beautiful picture!  This once isolated, ignored, avoided, crippled man is entering the temple with his new found brothers, praising the God who never overlooks anyone.

The wisdom of man is a gift from God but is limited and, in our fallen state, imperfect and flawed.  The power of God is limitless, perfect, pure.  Trusting in the wisdom of man can leave us anxious, fearful, uncertain, even misdirected.  Waiting on and trusting in the power of God brings life, light and far more abundantly than all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

We, like the man in Acts, are all crippled to some extent; we can feel bound by circumstances that seem beyond our control.  May we trust in God more and more, wait patiently for him, be willing to step out of God's way and watch him work.  As in this story, the more dire the circumstances, the greater the opportunity for God to be glorified.  We can trust him.  We can loosen our grip on the things or circumstances that have us the most anxious or fearful.

O Israel, trust in the Lord!

He is their help and their shield.

O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord!

He is their help and their shield.

You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord!

He is their help and their shield.

The Lord has remembered us; he will bless us;

he will bless the house of Israel;

he will bless the house of Aaron;

he will bless those who fear the Lord,

both the small and the great.

Psalm 115:9-13

Mountains

I came across this devotional that I wrote several years ago. It really spoke to me today so I decided to add it to my blog.  It's always amazing how God is at work in my heart teaching, preparing and guiding me long before I actually need the very thing he's teaching.


After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. Matthew 17:1-2

When I read this passage, the words that caught my eye were “high mountain”. The three disciples followed Jesus “up a high mountain”. How high? How rugged? How long did it take for them to hike to the top? How strenuous was the hike? For the first time I focused on what was going on before the transfiguration.

How many times have we prayed, “Lord move this mountain”? We’re faced with an uphill struggle in life – something that feels insurmountable – and our response is to avoid it, go around it, or simply have it “disappear”. Perhaps the mountain is part of the journey – part of the lesson God is teaching us. Unless we follow Jesus up that mountain we won’t see his glory.

As Christians, we talk about wonderful “mountain-top experiences”: times of great worship, fellowship, or special times of celebration. It’s as if we expect to be supernaturally transported to the top of that mountain. And sometimes that’s true. We attend a great conference, concert or event and bask in the spiritual “high”. But other times, Jesus invites us to follow him up a hard path – a long, difficult path. But, oh, the view at the top! The disciples with Jesus that day heard the voice of the Father, saw Moses and Elijah, and saw Jesus in his transfigured glory. That would have been worth whatever it took to get to the top of that mountain!

It could be that the next mountain in your way was put there by God. He may be inviting you to follow him and see his glory. The passage says that Jesus led the disciples; he will lead us as well. We won’t get lost if we keep our eyes on him. If we stumble on our climb, he’s there to catch us and put us back on our feet. He knows when the climb is getting too strenuous and when we need to rest. And, best of all, he knows the view at the top of the mountain and wants to share it with us.

Rabbit Trails and Being Still

My quiet time often leads me down rabbit trails.  Or either it's ADD.  Either way, those diversions are often fruitful and lead me to think that sometimes they may be God-directed after all.  

This morning as I was being quiet and still, the hymn "Immortal, Invisible" came to mind.  I looked up the words (since I could only remember the first verse) and then became curious about the author of those powerful words.  That hymn was written by a Scottish pastor, Walter Chalmers Smith.  Following the biographical information were other poems he'd written.  This one was the prize for me at the end of this particular rabbit trail.  I hope it speaks to you as much as it did me.

Thoughts and Fancies (1887).

II. “Be still”

By Walter Chalmers Smith (1824–1908)

Be still, and know He doeth all things well,

Working the purpose of His holy will,

And if His high designs He do not tell

Till He accomplish them—do thou be still.

Why should’st thou strive and fret and fear and doubt,

As if His way, being dark, must bode thee ill?

If thine own way be clearly pointed out,

Leave Him to clear up His, and be thou still.

Was ever yet thy trust in Him misplaced?

And hoping in Him, did He not fulfill

The word on which He caused thee to rest,

Though not as thou had’st thought, perchance? Be still.

What if the road be rough which might be smooth?

Is not the rough road best for thee, until

Thou learn by patient walking in the truth

To trust and hope in God, and to be still?

A little faith is more than clearest views;

Would’st thou have ocean like a babbling rill?

God without mystery were not good news;

Wrestle not with the darkness, but be still.

Be still, and know that He is God indeed

Who reigns in glory on His holy hill,

Yet once upon the Cross did hang and bleed,

And heard the people raging—and was still.

Journals

I'm within a few pages of filling up another journal.  I always come to the end of another notebook with a little sadness.  Those pages contain my most intimate thoughts and prayers.  They're full of joys, celebrations, questions (lots of questions!), crying out to God, listening to God, letting go of some anger or frustration; but most of all they're full of new discoveries of God's loving care.  He reminds me in so many ways of his nearness - his presence in my life.  

Just today as I was journaling my reflections on a devotional I had read, I was reminded of this verse from Philippians 4: do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)  It's such a familiar passage that I almost didn't look it up in my Bible.  But I got that little prompting and turned to the passage and, as so often happens when reading the Bible, there was a verse that leaped out at me that I'd never paid much attention to.  Right there, just before the one I was so familiar with:  The Lord is at hand.  The Lord is at hand ---- therefore, we don't need to be anxious about anything!  What more needs to be said?  If I had simply read my devotional, thought about it for a few minutes and moved on to other things, I might have missed the blessing. Sitting down with my journal and writing down my thoughts led me down an unexpected but delightful path.

That's why I love to journal.  I can look back through those pages and see, time and again, that the Lord is and has been very much at hand.  No matter what.  I see where prayers were answered, issues resolved in God's perfect timing and perfect ways, worries dealt with, anxieties and fears calmed, just the right words spoken to my heart to comfort, correct, encourage, or bless.  Re-reading those old entries reminds me of God's faithfulness even when I might have been missing his answers and provisions at the time.

It took quite a while for me to discover how to fit this discipline of journaling into my life.  There were lots of stumbles and false starts but eventually I discovered my way. I so treasure the time spent with my pen in hand and notebook open to the next blank page.  The most amazing thing is that, once I start writing, I'm almost always surprised by where I end up.  The Lord leads me to so many new discoveries or realizations - such a blessing!

So, on to a brand new notebook.  Only God knows where I'll end up at the last page of this new one.  It reminds me of the title of a Dr. Seuss' book, "Oh the Places You'll Go!"

Lent

I began my Lenten devotional this morning.  The author of today's reflection challenged me to re-think my understanding and definition of anger.  For such a small word, I - and I suspect most of us - can be very creative in its definition.  We - okay, I - can also be very creative in justifying it!  To paraphrase my morning devotional author, he described the source of anger as a failure to live into the reality of our status as a beloved child of God. He further reminded the readers that we have the opportunity in this season of Lent to examine and relinquish anger to our loving Father.  

Being such a professional anger-justifier, I was taken aback by his words.  Is the true root of my anger the feeling of not being loved enough?  Or not loved well?  If I believe and am secure as a beloved child of God, what more love could I possibly need?  Anything else would be a bonus.  So, yes, I suppose I don't live into that reality as I should.  My eyes are too much on the world's view of love - what love should look and feel like; and that's such a sorry comparison to the love of God.  

So, what's keeping me from knowing that depth of God's love and living out of that love?  Why is it only at certain times?  How do I make room in my crusty, stony old heart for more of God's presence?  That's where, as my devotional pointed out, the season of Lent is such a blessing.  I need this reminder to take time for self-examination, a spiritual house-cleaning.  Those sins that contribute to my hardness of heart need to be brought into the light of God's presence.  I need to ask myself the hard questions and be brave enough -- willing enough --to search out and hear the answers.

Anger, for instance, can be too easily justified.  After all, if so-and-so hadn't done or said "whatever", I wouldn't be so angry!  (By the way, I'm referring to that anger that can become sinful, leading to resentment, bitterness, hardness of heart.)  Therefore, it must be all that person's fault and I'm freed from any responsibility, right?  Wrong!  While I'm not responsible for wrong, sinful actions done against me, I am most definitely responsible for my response to them.  Jesus had a great deal to say about that subject.

So my morning devotional reading has challenged me to examine my heart.  Where there is anger, I want to release it, leave it at the foot of the cross where it was dealt with once for all time.  In doing so, I'm reminded so vividly of the love of God for me, in me and through me.  A hard spot in my heart can be "tenderized".  Instead of having thoughts and feelings leading to anger, I can offer thanks and praise to the God who has forgiven me, loves me and is in the business of transforming me more and more into the image of Christ.  


For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  (Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV)


P.S.  Did you see that?  "That you may be filled with ALL THE FULLNESS of God".  That's a promise well worth my discomfort at facing my sins and confessing them to the Lord.