I'm within a few pages of filling up another journal. I always come to the end of another notebook with a little sadness. Those pages contain my most intimate thoughts and prayers. They're full of joys, celebrations, questions (lots of questions!), crying out to God, listening to God, letting go of some anger or frustration; but most of all they're full of new discoveries of God's loving care. He reminds me in so many ways of his nearness - his presence in my life.
Just today as I was journaling my reflections on a devotional I had read, I was reminded of this verse from Philippians 4: do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV) It's such a familiar passage that I almost didn't look it up in my Bible. But I got that little prompting and turned to the passage and, as so often happens when reading the Bible, there was a verse that leaped out at me that I'd never paid much attention to. Right there, just before the one I was so familiar with: The Lord is at hand. The Lord is at hand ---- therefore, we don't need to be anxious about anything! What more needs to be said? If I had simply read my devotional, thought about it for a few minutes and moved on to other things, I might have missed the blessing. Sitting down with my journal and writing down my thoughts led me down an unexpected but delightful path.
That's why I love to journal. I can look back through those pages and see, time and again, that the Lord is and has been very much at hand. No matter what. I see where prayers were answered, issues resolved in God's perfect timing and perfect ways, worries dealt with, anxieties and fears calmed, just the right words spoken to my heart to comfort, correct, encourage, or bless. Re-reading those old entries reminds me of God's faithfulness even when I might have been missing his answers and provisions at the time.
It took quite a while for me to discover how to fit this discipline of journaling into my life. There were lots of stumbles and false starts but eventually I discovered my way. I so treasure the time spent with my pen in hand and notebook open to the next blank page. The most amazing thing is that, once I start writing, I'm almost always surprised by where I end up. The Lord leads me to so many new discoveries or realizations - such a blessing!
So, on to a brand new notebook. Only God knows where I'll end up at the last page of this new one. It reminds me of the title of a Dr. Seuss' book, "Oh the Places You'll Go!"
Monday, February 18, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Lent
I began my Lenten devotional this morning. The author of today's reflection challenged me to re-think my understanding and definition of anger. For such a small word, I - and I suspect most of us - can be very creative in its definition. We - okay, I - can also be very creative in justifying it! To paraphrase my morning devotional author, he described the source of anger as a failure to live into the reality of our status as a beloved child of God. He further reminded the readers that we have the opportunity in this season of Lent to examine and relinquish anger to our loving Father.
Being such a professional anger-justifier, I was taken aback by his words. Is the true root of my anger the feeling of not being loved enough? Or not loved well? If I believe and am secure as a beloved child of God, what more love could I possibly need? Anything else would be a bonus. So, yes, I suppose I don't live into that reality as I should. My eyes are too much on the world's view of love - what love should look and feel like; and that's such a sorry comparison to the love of God.
So, what's keeping me from knowing that depth of God's love and living out of that love? Why is it only at certain times? How do I make room in my crusty, stony old heart for more of God's presence? That's where, as my devotional pointed out, the season of Lent is such a blessing. I need this reminder to take time for self-examination, a spiritual house-cleaning. Those sins that contribute to my hardness of heart need to be brought into the light of God's presence. I need to ask myself the hard questions and be brave enough -- willing enough --to search out and hear the answers.
Anger, for instance, can be too easily justified. After all, if so-and-so hadn't done or said "whatever", I wouldn't be so angry! (By the way, I'm referring to that anger that can become sinful, leading to resentment, bitterness, hardness of heart.) Therefore, it must be all that person's fault and I'm freed from any responsibility, right? Wrong! While I'm not responsible for wrong, sinful actions done against me, I am most definitely responsible for my response to them. Jesus had a great deal to say about that subject.
So my morning devotional reading has challenged me to examine my heart. Where there is anger, I want to release it, leave it at the foot of the cross where it was dealt with once for all time. In doing so, I'm reminded so vividly of the love of God for me, in me and through me. A hard spot in my heart can be "tenderized". Instead of having thoughts and feelings leading to anger, I can offer thanks and praise to the God who has forgiven me, loves me and is in the business of transforming me more and more into the image of Christ.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV)
P.S. Did you see that? "That you may be filled with ALL THE FULLNESS of God". That's a promise well worth my discomfort at facing my sins and confessing them to the Lord.
Being such a professional anger-justifier, I was taken aback by his words. Is the true root of my anger the feeling of not being loved enough? Or not loved well? If I believe and am secure as a beloved child of God, what more love could I possibly need? Anything else would be a bonus. So, yes, I suppose I don't live into that reality as I should. My eyes are too much on the world's view of love - what love should look and feel like; and that's such a sorry comparison to the love of God.
So, what's keeping me from knowing that depth of God's love and living out of that love? Why is it only at certain times? How do I make room in my crusty, stony old heart for more of God's presence? That's where, as my devotional pointed out, the season of Lent is such a blessing. I need this reminder to take time for self-examination, a spiritual house-cleaning. Those sins that contribute to my hardness of heart need to be brought into the light of God's presence. I need to ask myself the hard questions and be brave enough -- willing enough --to search out and hear the answers.
Anger, for instance, can be too easily justified. After all, if so-and-so hadn't done or said "whatever", I wouldn't be so angry! (By the way, I'm referring to that anger that can become sinful, leading to resentment, bitterness, hardness of heart.) Therefore, it must be all that person's fault and I'm freed from any responsibility, right? Wrong! While I'm not responsible for wrong, sinful actions done against me, I am most definitely responsible for my response to them. Jesus had a great deal to say about that subject.
So my morning devotional reading has challenged me to examine my heart. Where there is anger, I want to release it, leave it at the foot of the cross where it was dealt with once for all time. In doing so, I'm reminded so vividly of the love of God for me, in me and through me. A hard spot in my heart can be "tenderized". Instead of having thoughts and feelings leading to anger, I can offer thanks and praise to the God who has forgiven me, loves me and is in the business of transforming me more and more into the image of Christ.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV)
P.S. Did you see that? "That you may be filled with ALL THE FULLNESS of God". That's a promise well worth my discomfort at facing my sins and confessing them to the Lord.
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