Psalm 3

Reading Psalm 3 this morning, I paused when I got to one of my favorite Bible verses:  “But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.”  Once again I found myself reading a very familiar passage in a new light.  At the beginning of the psalm, David writes of his fears for his life.  Adding to his distress was the fact that his enemy was his own son.  We probably can’t begin to grasp what this was like. How horrid to be a king on the run from his own son!  Hopefully none of us are dealing with such life and death issues. 

In reading this psalm is seems that David was writing these words after a period of fear-filled sleeplessness.  We, too, certainly know sleepless nights when our worries of the day are magnified, causing us to toss and turn.  That’s when I read “my” verse differently.  In the midst of our tossing and turning, worries and anxieties, can we, like David, turn to God with that level of confidence, that deep knowing that God really is a shield for us, our protector? 

After David’s proclamation of God’s sovereign protection, he writes:  “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.”  Fear for his life was replaced by the awareness of God’s protection and presence and he slept.  And woke again!  He wasn’t attacked while he slept.  He didn’t have to stay awake and alert, keeping watch because he KNEW his God was watching over him.  He lay down and slept. 

On this third day of this new year, God alone knows our future.  He alone knows the trials and struggles, the joys and celebrations, the sorrows and fears that are ahead. We should resolve to keep this verse close at hand and close to our hearts for the days – and nights – ahead.  Pray and meditate on the words until it becomes as true for us as it was for David so that in the days to come, we can know that God is our shield, our protector; we can lay down and sleep in peace knowing we are in his care. 

At the same time, it’s important to remember that this God is also the one who delights in his children, who exults over us with loud singing (Zeph. 3:17).  Let’s resolve to get to know God as not only our help in trouble but the God who loves us, delights over us and longs to be in relationship with us. Let’s walk out the days of 2014 (and beyond) growing in our knowledge and understanding of God’s presence, his peace, and his love for us.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)

Trust

During my quiet time this morning, praying for all the needs that have come to my attention, it seems as if I see a common thread running through all these needs and situations. I've seen this thread running through my own life this year. Do I trust God? Do I REALLY trust God? When my life is shaking, when my friends' lives are in a state of upheaval or great stress, when major transitions are occurring in lives all around me - do I trust God? Do I trust him in the midst of the upheaval? Am I too quick to blame the enemy for these stressors and not quick enough to look for God's hand in the transitions?

This past year has brought me to the very brink of my limits of faith and trust. I thought I had a great deal of faith but when I was faced with life and death issues, of times of releasing control and taking my hands off those situations that I felt I had to hang on to, I came to realize that God was asking me to trust him more than I've ever trusted before.

I recall the Good Friday service at my church. We were invited to write on a note card the person, situation, issue, etc. that we felt the Lord was inviting us to let go of. We could leave it at the wooden cross that was propped against the wall. How difficult it was for me. I knew exactly the person's name I was to write on that card and it was terrifying. Could I trust God with this person? Did I believe that God really wanted the very best for this loved one? Surely my hopes and wishes for this person were the best. After finally leaving my card at the cross, I still wanted to go back and pick it up. It was one of the hardest things I've done. Why? Don't I believe that God is GOOD? Does my heart know the depth of God's goodness? Evidently, the Lord was moving me into a deeper level of trust - pushing me and confronting me with the weak areas of my faith and inviting me to go deeper and trust him with every fiber of my being.

Reflecting on the year 2013, that seems to be the theme in so many lives and situations. Trusting God to work out his purposes, trusting God in the shaking and transitioning of lives and situations. Trusting God. "Who do you say that I am?" Jesus asked Peter that question and he asks me - over and over. Who IS Jesus? Do I believe that he is everything he says he is? Can I praise him and trust him in ALL things knowing that he is sovereign over even the most difficult and painful places in my life? Do I really believe that God is good? Really?

After what feels like surviving this year, I can honestly say that, yes, I KNOW that God is good. I have witnessed miracles of healing, of salvation, of restoration, of perseverance, forgiveness, deliverance, reconciliation. I could go on. Yes, indeed, God is good. He is loving and faithful and very present - always present. I have seen and experienced the truth that I am securely in the hands of my loving Father God and no thing or no one can snatch me from his hands. In times of stress or worry, I used to picture myself hanging on to the Lord as best I could. This year has taught me that I pictured it backwards: the Lord is hanging on to me, keeping me from falling, from going over the edge. He has been my strength, he has been my Rock.

As this year closes and a new year approaches, I wonder what changes are coming; how will my life be different, my ministry? Will this new level of trust be put to the test? Obviously, we have no way of knowing what the future holds but I do know that God is faithful. He is my very present help in times of trouble.

Psalm 145 

I will extol you, my God and King,

and bless your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless you

and praise your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

and his greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall commend your works to another,

and shall declare your mighty acts.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty,

and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,

and I will declare your greatness.

They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness

and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and merciful,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

The Lord is good to all,

and his mercy is over all that he has made.

All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord,

and all your saints shall bless you!

They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom

and tell of your power,

to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds,

and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,

and your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The Lord is faithful in all his words

and kind in all his works.]

The Lord upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,

and you give them their food in due season.

You open your hand;

you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways

and kind in all his works.

The Lord is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;

he also hears their cry and saves them.

The Lord preserves all who love him,

but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,

and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

Waiting and Trusting

For God alone my soul waits in silence;

from him comes my salvation.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall never be shaken. (Pslam 62:1-2)

This year has been the best of times and the worst of times!  From struggling through the months of my husband’s long hospital stay and recovery, to rejoicing over the miraculous answer of many years of prayer for the salvation of a loved one, it’s been a most memorable year. 

It has been the most stressful year I can remember, the effects of which are still going on.  I wake up with headaches from clenching my jaws while I sleep, I have strange, stressful dreams most nights, I feel disconnected from God in a way that I can’t seem to resolve; yet, on the other hand, I see God at work in my prayer ministry in wonderful and powerful ways.  I know he hasn’t abandoned me but is, in fact, closer than ever. I feel like I’m living in a world of extremes, of good vs. bad, of nearness vs. distance, of stress vs. peace, which all add to my stress level.   

But in the midst of all this, in the deepest part of me, I can echo the words of the psalmist:  For God alone my soul waits in silence.  I feel a strong and profound sense of waiting; waiting for God to finish this work he’s doing in me, to open my eyes to see what I can’t see yet.  I have a sense of my life moving in a direction that is yet to be revealed, as if I’m living in a time of transition, a life-changing period.  Do I need to tell you that this is stressful, too?  I try to bring myself back to what I know to be true and what I cling to through all of this:  he alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress.  I shall never be shaken. 

The psalm says I shall never be shaken.  I get that, I know this is truth; yet this year has been a year of great shaking, a great deal of transition, change, new direction and uncertainty.  I trust God in the midst of all this because I know he is the one doing the shaking and that he is working in all these things for my good and the good of so many others.  It’s just hard to walk through all of this when my life feels so unsettled and “not like it used to be”.   I think that’s the answer:  God has, once again, moved me out of my comfort zone.  Or, IS moving me and I resist it every time. 

Looking back on my struggles during the long days of my husband’s hospitalization, I was praying about my feelings.  I was so angry.  I didn’t understand where that anger was coming from, thinking I could handle life’s hardships a bit better than that. It felt like I was being besieged, attacked from every direction, and I was losing the battle. The Lord led me to understand that my anger was directed at him, that I was rebelling against his corrections in my life.  That’s a rather sobering realization but I’m trying to pay attention to what the Lord is revealing, those things that he wants me to lay aside that aren’t worth my time and attention or that get ahead of my relationship and time in his presence. 

It’s that shaking up, or pruning, that is part of our transformation.  It’s hard, it’s sometimes painful and like children being corrected by their loving parents, we resist it.  As disciples of Jesus it’s not about our childish cries of "What about me?!" as much as it's about counting the cost, taking up our cross daily and following our Lord wherever he leads and down whichever path he chooses.  Even though that path may be difficult, the truth and the reality is that we are not walking that path on our own or in our own power.  We have his promise that he will never leave us or forsake us. We have his comfort and reassurance that we don’t need to be afraid; he is the I AM, our Salvation, our Rock, our Fortress.  Nothing or no one has the power to snatch us from the hand of our all-powerful, all-loving, Almighty Father.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

  pour out your heart before him;

  God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:8)

Passings

I read today that an old friend is in the last stages of his life; the family is keeping vigil and friends are praying him into God’s arms.  It makes me think of all the people that pass through my life.  This friend was kind to me, made me laugh, gave good hugs and wonderful shoulder rubs when my muscles were screaming after hours and hours of playing my guitar and leading worship music.  

It’s interesting to think of the different communities and circles of friends – those that stay with you for a shorter time and those that stay with you longer.  Life is so transient, so full of change and redirection.  All that change leads to changes in circles of friends.  I’m not really sure why that is; I’ve never been good at letting friends go, at saying goodbye.  I’m like Peter on the mount of transfiguration; I want to make this permanent, hold on to it!  But Larry touched my life for a period of time and I’m sad that he’s leaving the earth but happy for him that he’s going home to Jesus.  I pray for the Lord to welcome him home; that Larry will hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” and that he’ll know the glory of total and perfect healing.  

Should I have stayed in touch better?  We weren’t that kind of friends – just stayed in touch through Facebook. So many levels of friendship, of sharing; and yet we still have these circles where we touch each other’s life and heart and make a difference.  The shared memories, the conversations, the laughter, etc. all are a gift for however long we have them.

So, God bless Larry.  Comfort his family and friends that are keeping watch as he passes into your arms.  Let him know I’m thinking about him if that makes a smile in his heart and thank him for me – for his friendship and kindness in those wonderful seasons with Cursillo.  He blessed me and I pray I was a blessing to him.  Give him a big hug from me; and Lord, would you rub his shoulders and tell him I said “thanks”?

The Unchanging One

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  (Hebrews 13:8)

How thankful I am for the truth and reality of that verse.  Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I can't recall another time in my life when I've experienced as much change in one year's time.  It's astounding!  Friends have come and gone, major illness has struck
my family, major life changes are happening all around me - some very, very good and some not so good.  I sometimes feel I can hardly catch my breath from one event when something else rolls through and leaves me spinning.  How could I possibly continue with any degree of sanity and faith without knowing that our Lord is the ever-present, ever-faithful, ever-constant, loving, strong presence in this life?

In two conversations yesterday, I was reminded that it's the presence of God that we must seek first and foremost.  All the striving to do the "right" thing, the good thing, pales in comparison to being in the presence of the Lord.  I know how much I need that solid, unchanging presence of God. The awareness of his nearness, his direction, his strength and comfort is what enables me to keep on putting one foot in front of the other in the midst of all these unsettled days.  

Most mornings I wake up with a song playing in my mind. I have no idea where that comes from, but it's a rare morning that it doesn't happen.  A couple of weeks ago, during an especially difficult and spiritually dry time, the tune playing in my head was "As the Deer".  Two of my devotional readings for that day included the psalm that tune is based on, Psalm 42.  The first two verses reflected the state of my soul so well:  

As a deer pants for flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, 

for the living God.

I think the Lord was gently pointing out the obvious to me.  It took the three different encounters with these words for me to recognize my own need - to put words to my unsettled feelings.  How sweet God is to nudge us, to call us into his sweet presence, to invite us to come and be still and sit with him a while, spend time in the presence of the One who is always the same, always IS.

God is calling us to choose.  Do we choose to follow him, to draw close to him, listen for his direction, his guidance, his loving words?  Or do we choose to follow the world's ways, to struggle through under our own power, striving to do what is expected and perhaps feeling like we don't quite measure up?  How long do we have to struggle along, feeling spent and exhausted before we answer the call to Be still and know that I am God?

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Thanks be to our God!

Going to the Rock

Does this ever happen to you?  Waking up in the middle of the night, you find your mind whirring with thoughts and worries that won't go away and you lie there unable to go back to sleep for all the fretting going on in your head.  I call it the midnight crazies and I hate when it happens.  Last night was one of those nights - where do these thoughts come from?  The same things can be reasonably handled in the light of day but in the wee hours of the morning, they're catastrophic.  It took me a long time, many nights of the midnight crazies to finally work out a solution:  prayer.  duh.  There's a wonderful prayer from the service of Compline in the Book of Common Prayer and after many consecutive nights of sleeplessness, this prayer came to mind and I prayed it over and over until I realized when I woke up the next morning that, as usual, prayer works.  Here's the prayer (I change the pronouns to make it personal):  Guide us waking, O Lord, and guard us sleeping that awake we may watch with Christ and asleep we may rest in peace.  

Reading my Bible readings appointed for this morning, my favorite psalm was in the list:  Psalm 91.  I didn't get very far in the psalm before these words jumped out at me:  'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.'  As familiar as this psalm is to me, I had to stop and linger over those words.  God IS my refuge and my fortress.  He is the one I run to during the midnight crazies, during the stresses of the day, the worries over friends and loved ones.  I truly have no one else to turn to with the same degree of trust and assurance.  1 Peter 5:7 exhorts us to cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.  He cares about us and he cares for us - seeing to our needs, our concerns, our joys, our every need.  He is our rock - that strong and solid place of security and rest; he is our fortress - that place of protection from the things that can harm us; he is our Shepherd - he knows each one of his sheep by name and tends lovingly and gently to each one of us.  

The Gospel of John recounts the story of the followers of Jesus turning away because of his teaching that became so hard to understand.  Jesus asks his twelve disciples if they, too, are leaving him and Peter replies:  Lord to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God."  It truly is through walking out this life, day by day, worry by worry, prayer by prayer, that we come to know that we, like Peter and the disciples, have no one else to turn to; we come to KNOW in the deepest part of us that Jesus is, indeed, exactly who he says he is.  When we come to that realization we know Jesus is our Refuge, our Fortress, our very present help in times of trouble (Ps. 42).  He is the Rock of our salvation.

I pray that no matter how difficult things may be in your life right now, or how easy they are, that you will come to know without a shadow of a doubt who Jesus is - how very real he is; that you will come to see him and know him as your Refuge, Rock, and Fortress.

Caring and Surviving

I'm learning a lot about what it means to be a caregiver.  I'm learning, hopefully, how to reach out to people in similar circumstances.  The strangest thing about it for me is that I don't know what to ask for when people ask how they can help.  Part of that may be because the little child in me wants somebody to make this all go away while the adult in me knows I have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.  I'm learning things about myself that aren't so pretty but I'm finding traits emerging that I didn't know I had.  All these things point to God's hand at work in my life in the midst of this horrible trial. I long for the day when I can enjoy the blessing of hindsight, the gift of looking back and seeing what God has done - how this looks on the other side.  

I feel so guilty when I find myself sighing from fatigue as I walk into that hospital again and make the hike up to my husband's room.  At least I'm going home to my own bed while he has to stay in the hospital and deal with the struggles of recovery, depression, discouragement.  I deal with those same things, too, but have the advantage of seeing the many signs of a miraculous recovery.  While I inwardly sigh about making this walk on day 31 of this journey, I can rejoice that God has and is indeed healing my husband in miraculous ways.  I hear his nurses using this "M-word" and know that God is being glorified, that the power of prayer is witnessing to the power of God's presence in our lives in a personal, intimate way.  Healing is real.  God is real.  Doctors, with all their knowledge, training and expertise owe their skill to the Giver of this knowledge.  I was so blessed and will never forget hearing my husband's doctor ask for prayers on our long night of waiting 31 days ago.  God is being glorified.

There's a passage in Scripture that always makes me shudder a little bit when I read it.  For me, it's one of those "good-for-you" things that you'd rather not have to deal with or be reminded of:  (from Romans 5:3-5) Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  The transforming power of God is perfect, good and loving but it is most definitely not always easy.  Yes, there are times when it seems he miraculously transforms us; but it seems to me that most of my transformation has been the kind that I think of when I read the verse above; the transforming that is accomplished by the Lord's loving and necessary pruning of my unfruitful "branches".  I do know, however, that on the other side of this journey I will be able to look back and give thanks for the fruit that was produced by all this pruning.  

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)