My husband has been in ICU for 3 weeks following a scheduled surgery that ended up with major complications which almost resulted in death. Throughout the night of the surgery (long, long 18-hour vigil) I was texting urgent prayer requests which were being passed along to our prayer team and our intercessors. The surgeon requested prayer, the family and friends sitting in the waiting room were praying, the chaplain came and prayed with us; the whole long night was being bathed in prayer. And he pulled through.
I've asked questions, the what-ifs, wondered what I would do if the worst happened. I've been surrounded and cared for by my dear friends and family. I've had daily times of completely falling apart. I've ranted and raved at God. Typical grief responses. I've walked into the ICU room on one day and been so encouraged by what I'd see only to go back another time and think something else. Exhausted, numb, frustrated, comforted, loved, deeply aware of God's peace, angry at God . . . the roller coaster ride so many of us have been on when there's a crisis in our life.
I wish I could say that my response to all this has been to fall into God's arms, to reach for my Bible and sit in my special chair to hear from the Lord and be in his presence. But I've been so much on some auto-pilot way of functioning that it seems all I can do is go to the hospital and try to function around the house and take care of 3 dogs. And have a meltdown now and then. But my sweet Lord has been so very near and present even when I felt nothing of his presence. I've seen him in the faces of the people that have showed up, called, texted, prayed; in the face of my sister who has listened to me go on and on about how hard this is and has shown up to bring me a meal, take care of the dogs and let me rest; in the face of my son who has flown home to help out; and I've felt his peace break through my tears and rants and calm me in the midst of this storm.
So many times, I've exhorted others on the importance of Christian community: "There's no such thing as a Lone Ranger Christian." My relationship with the Lord is so incredibly, deeply personal and intimate; and it's so incredibly about my community and how the love of Jesus shines forth through these dear people God has placed in my life. My son, who is a "baby" Christian of a little more than 3 months has encouraged my 30+ years of walking with the Lord with his reminders of God's sovereignty. My friends and family have rallied round in ways that I'll never forget.
The storm is still going on but the waves are calmer, my meltdowns have stopped (for now); I'm still moving one day at the time but am feeling myself emerge out of a dense fog more aware of God's hand at work in the life of my husband and in my life. "The Power of Prayer" is the banner that should be hanging over that bed in ICU; in the heavenly realms, I suspect that it is. The nurses are calling Jerry, "Mr. Miracle". And, speaking of those nurses, I hope there is a special mansion in heaven prepared for those dear women who have hugged me, celebrated with us, prayed for Jerry and encouraged all of us.
In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
(John 16:33)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)
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